Not yo' mama's Cross-Stitch

The first thing out of Dave's mouth when I started this project was, "Please don't show that to anyone."  Followed by, "Please tell me you're not hanging that in our house."  Then followed by, "As soon as you're done with that thing, I'm punching a hole in it." No sense of humor, this one.  The cause of this oh so serious marital strife?

Here ya go!

Oh yes I did.

(I jest on the marital strife.  If you know Dave, you know that the real message he was really trying to get across was, "Wife, I'm so proud of all of the DIY projects you do.  They really add to the beauty of our home, and they also keep you busy so I can enjoy a glass of whiskey in silence.  PS...you're beautiful."  True story.)

I can't really give you step by step DIY instructions on this piece, as I didn't create it, but I can give you the link on how to get it done yourself.  I came across this lovely little Etsy shop awhile ago, and wanted to make one of her pieces.  The shop is called GranniePanties, and the owner, Chrissy, creates templates/directions for various cross-stitch patterns.  My favorites include the 90's rap lyric patterns...they're cute enough to hang on your wall, but naughty enough to cause someone to do a double take when they read it.  Since most of her patterns only run around $5-6, they're super affordable to buy and make yourself.  Here's a link to the website:

GranniePanties on Etsy

And here's a breakdown of my costs to complete the project:

Pattern: $5
10" Embroidery Hoop: $1.79
Needles: Already had them, but they only run around $2 for a pack
Embroidery thread: .39 each (for 6 colors)
Cross-Stitch Fabric: $4.99 (but there's leftovers for another project!)

All in, if you need to buy everything, you're spending around $15 for hours of couch sitting fun.

Isn't your heart just going pitter-patter with excitement right now?
I know...you're too excited to even think straight.

Be warned, this isn't a quick project.  But, it's also pretty mindless.  All you have to do is be able to count squares, and loop thread through holes in an X.  Plop your butt in front of the TV while there's nothing on during a summer full of re-runs while it's pouring buckets o'rain outside, and you've gotten yourself into a prime cross-stitching situation. 

I didn't follow Chrissy's instructions exactly, because, what fun would that be?  To be honest, I really just messed up and counted wrong.  Apparently counting squares isn't as easy as I thought.  Oh well, it still turned out nicely, don't you think?

Cross-stitching outside on a lovely summer afternoon.
Yes, that's the pattern on my iPad with a delightful oak tree glare.

I also didn't use the suggested thread colors, as I wanted the finished project to hang in my guest room.  So, I took an extra piece of the wallpaper I have in that room to Michael's, (the store, not someone's house, in case you were confused.  It happens.) and matched my thread accordingly. 

Oh yeah, look at that progress.  Fancy.
Beautiful lap picture, no?

If you're lucky (and if I'm motivated enough to do another cross-stitch/want to blind myself), you may just find yourself on the receiving end of one of these hilariously inappropriate pieces for Christmas. Send me your wish list now...no promises.

Now...how to finish this project off?

Option 1: Make into a lovely bed pillow.

Option 2: Make a hole in this wallpaper (GASP!)
to hang the piece in a square frame on the wall.

Option 3: Finish and hang in a round frame here.

Thoughts?